Diary of a Manslayer
by Akai Kitsune
Summary: One family, living day by day in a small dojo in Meiji Tokyo. The life of a man who found an answer... and stayed with it. Sequel to Kendo no Go. Chapter 14 uploaded.
1. Author's Prologue

Diary of a Manslayer

_A sequel to Kendo no Go_

Akai Kitsune

~*~

Author's Prelude

~*~  
  
PLEASE read before continuing on with the fic!  
  
There are two major changes between this fic and Kendo no Go - mainly, the existence of two new characters. This spurred mostly from the need for new material to work with. Using Kenji has so far been great, but considering how far I've turned from the Seisouhen occurrences, I decided to take a step further in distancing myself from such a depressing idea. Watsuki-san _said_ Kenshin should end his life happily, and despite the bitter, melancholy mood Kendo had sometimes, upholding this was my intention. In this story, Seisouhen and most of what occured within it do not and will not exist unless they're explicitly mentioned.  
  
With that in mind, I created for this fic two new children for Kenshin and Kaoru: Yukino and Shinichi.  
  
Yukino is the middle child, a daughter born five years after Kenji. She exists mostly to give Kenshin and Kaoru a challenge as parents. As you'll see in the story, she is not only rebellious but indifferent as she grows older, seeking a freedom she can't have in the dojo. Yukino is the sort of daughter a parent would dread, no matter how much they love her.  
  
Shinichi, as the youngest born eleven years after his brother (yeah, Kenshin's getting old! ^_^), is the spoiled child. He's not a brat, but he's rather impetuous because he knows he can get a great deal out of everyone. Only his siblings and Yahiko aren't fooled by this (come on, when are they _ever_?) and this often frustrates him. Born with his father's intensity, his mother's strength, and their mutual stubbornness, he's a pretty odd kid, but intelligent enough to get himself out of most troublesome situations. (I'll admit that I'm biased... being the youngest myself, Shinichi gets most of my sympathy, ^_^;;)  
  
Another important alteration from Kendo no Go is the timeline. Most of the chapters _will_ be connected, so reading them in sequencial order is a must. (This is for all you people who "skipped around" during Kendo! Shame on you!)  
  
The fic, following the intro, will mostly take place after a big jump in timeline - Kenji is now 16, Yukino is 11, and Shinichi is five. I'll do my best to explain everything I can within the first bunch of chapters, and if questions aren't answered in one chapter, they may be found in another, so please be patient and bear with me. Comments as always are welcome and appreciated.  
  
Ah, another note! Before I begin, I must note that I'm breaking the rules here. FFN has created a new set of rules for chapter uploads - no author's-note-only updates. (idiots)  
  
Therefore, I must make the Author's Prelude a real prelude.  
  
~*~  
  
Diary of a Manslayer  
  
Prologue - _We're serious, really_  
  
~*~  
  
Kaoru *_holding up Shinichi_*: Look, our son!  
  
Kenshin *_holding up Yukino_*: Look, our daughter!  
  
Shinichi: Hey!  
  
Yukino: Watch the hair!  
  
Kenji: What am I, chopped tofu?  
  
Kaoru: You already starred in Kendo no Go, dear. You won't be in this one much.  
  
Kenji: O_O EH?!  
  
Kenshin: That's right, it's about me! ALL ME! Muwahaha-!  
  
Yukino: Before you go insane, can you put me down first?  
  
Kenshin: .... oro.  
  
Kaoru: AHEM! We're supposed to be introducing the story, you know.  
  
Shinichi: Aren't we kinda late for that? *_points to the notes above_*  
  
Everyone: .........  
  
Kenshin: Well, surely Akai-dono forgot something...  
  
Kenji: She forgot ME!  
  
Kaoru: That's because she doesn't like you, sweetie.  
  
Kenji: ....  
  
Yukino: Already I like this author.  
  
Kenji: Hey!  
  
Kenshin: I suppose if we have nothing to do here, we may as well continue...  
  
Everyone: About time!  
  
~*~  
  
AN: Ah, I feel better now. Fulfilled my obligation towards our dearly beloved webmaster.  
  
On with the show, ^_^


	2. Ai Shiteru

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession. ^_^

~*~

Diary of a Manslayer

Akai Kitsune

~*~

Chapter 1) Ai shiteru

~*~  
  
Often he thought: _My life was empty before I met her._  
  
Kenshin couldn't quite explain to her the true meaning of these words, a simple statement that seemed to define his entire existence. His wife was a simple creature for the most part - the world was wonderful, life was wonderful, their family was wonderful, _he_ was wonderful. He wanted to let her know that everything was fine for him because of how wonderful _she_ was, but it was all a matter of how to say such things. Kaoru had learned the bliss of being a wife, and sometimes he feared that if he said anything - anything at all - it would ruin her happiness and shatter the picture of domesticity he had formed with her over the years. Words were not really necessary for them, after being together for so long.  
  
So it remained a game for them both, a secret play of words, the silence or simple conversation that was deeper only in their minds. Who knew the true meaning of a homecoming, a touch of hands, a sidelong glance, a whisper in the ear of a beloved?  
  
_ 'Love is a secret,' _he liked to think, _'Never truly known except between those who share it.'_

Three children they had, two boys and a girl Kaoru always wanted, and all of them managed to surprise him most times. They all earned his love by simply existing - much like his wife, he mused, though it was more than just an inheritance.  
  
It was a father's duty to love and care for his family, wasn't it?  
  
_ 'Even if it isn't... I'll proudly do it wrong all my life.'_  
  
_ 'I'll love this family with all my soul.'_  
  
~*~  
  
Apologies for the length. Some of the chapters in the source novel are about the same size (even shorter!) and it depends on the inspiration. This is simply an introduction after all, so it doesn't need to be huge.  
  
And now I shall explain the fic itself. I was inspired to write this fic while reading Evan S. Connell's "Mr. Bridge". The source doesn't really matter, since it's a basic guideline for chapter titles. There are no similarities between characters, the plots don't match well... most of the chapters have nothing to do with each other either. Pretty strange, ne?  
  
However, credit goes to where it's due. "Mr. Bridge" was not written by me, and because of that, this fic is not completely original in it's concepts.


	3. Image of Bliss

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession. ^_^

I'm still not exactly sure of the point of this chapter. Mostly Kenshin/Kaoru fluff. Oh well - I guess I'm addicted.  
  
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! (er, a day late, but oh well.)

~*~  
  
Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

~*~

Chapter 2) Image of Bliss

~*~  
  
Sometimes Kenshin liked to go through Kaoru's special belongings; never the ones she kept carefully hidden, things she kept secret from even him, since everyone needed their own escapes - only the ones she left out in the open, proud of their existence and willing to share with the world. He loved looking at each one, knowing, _feeling_ how deeply she cared for it, how much it meant to her.  
  
One such possession - her favourite, he was certain - was a collection of paintings and photographs, taken over the years when they had a yen or two to spare on frivolous things such as that. The image taken in Yokohama, the only photo they had to remind them of Sanosuke... the charcoal sketches of himself and Kaoru from Sano's friend Katsu... the one Tae had paid for after Kenji's birth... his anniversary gift last year, a special picture of the family, just the five of them...  
  
Kaoru even admitted how smitten she was with the invention known as the camera. Kenshin merely smiled at her, wishing with all his heart that the contraptions weren't so complicated _or_ expensive, or he would get one for her himself. He asked a photographer once, but the man had begun an explanation in scattered Japanese which made his head spin for days later.  
  
_ 'It's like asking shishou to explain pottery techniques,' _he later admitted, shaking his head in resignation, _'You can never get a straight answer and it probably won't do you any good, anyway...'_  
  
The family photograph was a favourite of his own, if he was honest with himself. Whenever the family was apart - when Kenji was traveling around with Yahiko, hunting down the secretive techniques of the sword style his father wouldn't teach him, or when Yuki was visiting friends in neighbouring towns, or even when he himself was out of town on some mission from the police department - it was nice to think back and see that image in his mind, forever imprinted, frozen in time. His family.  
  
He would have liked to take it with him sometimes, when he traveled through Japan at the government's whim, but Kaoru wouldn't fare well with the idea. Besides, certain missions carried too much danger to risk bringing such an important item - it could be lost or ruined easily, and he dreaded facing his wife's wrath if anything happened to it.  
  
_ 'Perhaps if I came home wounded in some way, she'd forgive it,' _he thought ruefully, _'But if I returned in one piece?'  
  
'She'd have my head. Better to leave it where it is, keep it safe for when I return.'_  
  
He was also forced to admit that it was often pointless to gaze at an inanimate object when the people contained within it were so closeby. There was many a day when Kaoru actually walked into their bedroom while he was looking at the pictures, catching him off guard with an embrace.  
  
"Again?" she murmured in his ear once, gazing past his shoulder at the pictures he held. "You look at them more than I do, I think."  
  
"Sorry," he apologized quickly, and she laughed.  
  
"For loving your family?"  
  
He smiled, reaching up to touch her hand as it fingered his hair. "For loving you too much to really show it, sometimes."  
  
Her fingers squeezed his in response, and she kissed his cheek - the scarred one, her favourite for some reason.  
  
"Never apologize for that," she whispered, brushing her free hand along the edges of the photo. "Everything else, fine. But never that."  
  
Kenshin followed her gaze, eyes softening. "All right."  
  
He never did, after that.  
  
~*~  
  
The original title of this chapter was "Family Portrait". It's sort of a parallel of chapter 98 of Kendo.  


Reviewer Responses (oh, how I missed thee...):

**Regan84**: I hope I do the first fic justice. It's such a hard thing to do... I still consider Kendo my best work. But I'm glad other people enjoyed it, too, ^_^  
  
**LadyShiin**: Heh, well thanks for the confidence. I'll give it my all! ^_^  
  
**Shiomei**: Well, to be honest, I'm a little sick of Seisouhen. I love it dearly, but the characterization was so brutally off it just wouldn't work. But don't worry, Kenji won't be excluded, ^_~  
  
**Wistful-Eyes**: Heh, well, we'll see. The picnic idea is tempting, though. I can imagine that being a comedy chapter, ^^;;  
  
**Ariane**: You had me rolling from the "sequel fairies" line. Thank you, ^^  
  
**Velda**: Well you know Kenshin, I'm sure he'll figure something out. He has Kenji to work for him now, don't forget, ^_^ As for the years between, certain chapters will be covering that, a little. It depends on the muse, right?  
  
**haku baikou**: *shakes a finger* No skipping chapters this time! ^_^


	4. The Halls of the Law

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession. ^_^

~*~  
  
Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

~*~

Chapter 3) The Halls of the Law  
  
~*~  
  
When Kenji was almost five years old, and Kaoru surprised him by telling him she was expecting for a second time, Kenshin decided he was in desperate need of a job.  
  
Naturally he would never say it in that manner; Kaoru would be vehement to hear that her school's income wasn't enough to feed their family, even if it was the truth. His small jobs for the police helped with the occasional odds and ends, but a family of four would need more, especially when one considered that in a few months, Kaoru would not be teaching.  
  
Even Kaoru had to grudgingly submit to _that_ logic.  
  
So, wearing his best gi and head lifted high, Kenshin made his way to the police prefecture to ask for a job from Uramura-san.  
  
The poor man nearly fell over at the request - it _was _a little unexpected, Kenshin had to admit - stuttering an immediate affirmative before Kenshin could even ask if he was all right.  
  
"Of course we'll hire you," Uramura had exclaimed, a wide smile on his face. "I'll send a letter to Yamagata-san right away - we'll get you a position worthy of your status-"  
  
Kenshin shook his head. "Currently my status is the husband of a dojo owner. It doesn't need to get any more complicated."  
  
They haggled over this for a long time, Uramura insisting that the former rurouni deserved more, and Kenshin insisting that he received less. The income was tempting, but Kenshin didn't feel the need for a high-status job - it felt wrong, after all the years he'd gone unemployed, like he didn't deserve to be lifted to a high position without effort when others worked hard for years to get that far. He also knew that jobs like that required a _lot_ of time, something he didn't want to give up.  
  
_ 'So maybe I -_can_- be a little selfish,'_ he mused, smiling a little to himself.  
  
But there was a second child on the way, and he had to admit he rather enjoyed the whole 'father' thing.  
  
He flat out refused a position on the sword-bearing police force - not only did he _not_ have a sword for it, nor would he carry a katana or a saber like the others, but he suspected that the other officers would not welcome to their team the man who had beaten them into the ground on several occasions.  
  
Uramura waved that fear aside. "Oh, I'm sure they've forgotten all about that."  
  
Kenshin merely smiled, knowing that - unfortunately - he was not a man easily forgotten. Uramura didn't mention it again.  
  
Finally he offered a job that worked for both of them, and Kenshin found himself as a basic martial arts instructor for the trainees of the police force.  
  
"No swords," Uramura said cheerfully, noticing Kenshin's stiff posture and set jaw, "But everyone knows how fast you can move. You'd keep those boys on their toes for a good long time, and I suspect you know quite a bit about fighting besides how to wave around a sword."  
  
Kenshin raised an eyebrow, not commenting, but not denying either. Every swordsman had to know the basics of hand-to-hand combat - otherwise, how could they act without their weapon until they had time to retrieve it? At least, that had been Hiko's theory.  
  
_ 'I suspect he just enjoyed throwing me around...'  
  
'Although now I'm grateful. I should write to him - a way to make him happy and annoyed at the same time...'  
  
'Yes, I think I'll do that.'_  
  
"Uramura-san," he said finally, "I will take that job."  
  
Uramura was greatly pleased, and Kenshin found that he was too. It was a different feeling than the one he had felt when Katsura Kogoro had first asked him to become a hitokiri for the revolution. There had been unease, then, and resolve. Now, he just felt... a little better about everything.  
  
He had a job. And soon, he would have two children waiting for him when he came home.  
  
Life, he decided, was getting better, although looking back, he wondered _how_ it was possible.  
  
~*~  
  
The job, and the "second child", were hinted at in chapter 95 of Kendo no Go. (I didn't get many guesses, although they were so obvious there wasn't really a need...) The idea of Kenshin being a martial arts instructor came from two sources - the show itself, when Kenshin had to shift his fighting style many a time without his sakabatou, and Risu-chan's fanfic "All That Matters", when Kenshin becomes a bit of an endurance trainer for Saitou's newbie policemen. I could so visualize that, and thus it appeared here. Although I'll note that Uramura said basic martial arts instructor, so there is no implication that Kenshin's a master... but you gotta take what you can get, right? ^_^

Wow! The response I'm getting here is incredible! You guys are so awesome... you're going to make me cry... I've never had so much feedback for a fanfic! *hugs everyone* Especially when my chapters are so stingy...

Reviewer Responses:

**Fabi-chan**: I'm happy you're happy, ^^  
  
**EEevee**: *protects Ken-chan's fingers* Poor baby! ;_;  
  
**Velda**: I've tossed around ideas about Sano. I really don't know what to do with the guy... *bounces ping-pongs off his head*  
  
**Ariane**: Actually, I think I'm exaggerating about Kenshin's trips away from home. I wanted to distance myself from Seisouhen's basic idea, but I'm not doing a very good job of it, am I... *grumble* He really doesn't leave that often. But there is a chapter about that, too, ^^  
  
**Regan84**: Yeah, I base it off of watching my own parents sometimes. They've been married almost 30 years, and it's fun to watch them interact. While K&K probably are not weird the way my parents are, they're bound to understand one another's quirks after 17+ years of marriage.  
  
**Wistful-Eyes**: I think the Katsu portraits were shown in the anime, during the Sekihoutai arc with Sanosuke. I saw that and liked the idea.  
  
**LadyShiin**: Good luck with that, ^_^ I always look forward to seeing your name on the review list!  
  
**Calger459**: Sano... Sano... *points to the reply to Velda above* My muse will cooperate if I beat it out of her. It's only LSRV that gives me trouble right now, for some reason. Well, I'm trying not to worry about it, ^^;;  
  
**ChiisaiLammy**: I wrote that "love is a secret" line about a year ago and have been dying to use it somewhere ever since, ^^;; I'm so glad I fit it in here...  
  
**Crystal Renee**: I've always been a picture nut. So long as I'm not in them.. ^_^  
  
**Sean Montgomery**: Hey, the bigger the better, right? I find Yuki pretty cliched though (in the name, and probably appearance as well), so I'll be working hard on her.


	5. Two Wives

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession. ^_^

~*~  
  
Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

~*~

Chapter 4) Two Wives  
  
~*~  
  
  
There were few men in the world, Kenshin knew, that were so gifted to have not one, but two wives for whom he had such strong feelings.  
  
The first was quiet, almost cold in her disposition - and what a pair they made then, he thought ruefully - and so very different from any women he had ever known. True, he hadn't known many women to begin with, but that was besides the point.  
  
Yukishiro Tomoe was a hard woman to describe; his comrades in the revolution kept it simple - she was beautiful, a real treat to look at, with perfect manners and gentle hands. She was quiet, submissive, and such things mattered to men back then. Kenshin hadn't known what to think, exactly.  
  
All he knew was that the woman who quietly spoke her assent when he asked her to marry him had been the most wonderful person in the world to him.  
  
Even after her death, the memories stirred - when the rain fell, or when the first snowfall came. He would remember the day he met her, or the day they finally held each other in honest, heartbreaking love.  
  
_'That night... I never thought I would make another promise like that, after that.'  
  
'Even more proof... such a fool I am.'_  
  
  
  
And then there was Kaoru, his Kaoru. His love, his life, his laughter.  
  
"It takes a very foolish man," he'd commented once, to no on in particular, "To not realize what a gift a wife is."  
  
It was true, he knew. He had lived that foolish existence for nearly a year before asking Kaoru to marry him. Unfortunately, the one that heard him was Yahiko, who was less inclined to appreciate the comment than Kaoru herself. He had of course replied with a jibe at her cooking, and... well, that was life at the Kamiya dojo. He and Kenshin had learned to take naps at inopportune times such as those.  
  
Little quirks, he decided, was what made life worth living. Of course there were times when he _didn't_ love her temper; of course there were times when they fought. Sometimes it was over small, trivial things - the daily meals, shopping, whose job it was to take care of the house when they had _both_ worked all day - and sometimes it was more serious issues, like paying bills or Kenji's slow transition into more advanced schooling.  
  
"The poor kid's only five," Yahiko grumbled one day, overhearing them discussing it with the child sitting on his shoulders. "Let him grow up a bit before you throw him out to be the next genius philosopher."  
  
This had made them both stop and think. Out of all of them, Yahiko probably had the most difficult childhood memories; he and Kaoru had at least had a family during the earliest years.  
  
_'We try not to think of it,'_ he mused, _'But Yahiko was alone for a long time before he met us.'_  
  
And that was all the more reason for him to love the woman who had brought them all together - she was mother, sister, and friend to the little group that had formed in that one, brief year. She may have been his wife, but she was, first and foremost, the one he really counted on, when it came down to it.  
  
_'She's given so much... for me, of herself...'  
  
'I can't help but feel selfish, but... really, I could never have it any other way.'_  
  
  
  
Two wives, he thought, a small smile on his face, at night when Kaoru was cuddled up against his side, one child sleeping down the hall, and another growing within his wife's body. Tomoe's farewell - the scar on his cheek - tingling with memory. The snowfall outside.  
  
Two wives, two loves, yet how they had changed him. Two women, two very different people to complement husbands of equally different times.  
  
Two of them, and yet equally, infinitely precious.  
  
~*~  
  
Talk about a chapter of extreme tangent-hopping, oO Sorry it took so long to write, especially since it is once again pretty stingy in content, ^^;; I wish I could say I was busy, but I think I'm just lazy. I let my muse get away from me before I'm done with her...  
  
The original chapter title was "Two Women".

_Reviewer Responses_: (I love you guys! Really!)

**animefanrk2k**: I missed you last time! ^^;; I'll do my best to make it worthy of the Kendo name! ... um, does that mean I'm getting an ego? oO  
  
**Wistful-Eyes**: I find just about everything to do with Hiko amusing. *snicker*  
  
**Velda**: THAT does not exist in my mind. I'm not liiiiiiiistening... as for Yuki, well what would you expect them to name the other kids? :P It had to be somewhat past-involved (either that or named after Kenny) or it's not a brutal cliche! Bwahaha.  
  
**Crystal Renee**: Maybe I'm just camera shy, ^_^  
  
**YoukoKurama201**: Don't forget, he gave the sakabatou to Yahiko shortly before this happened, ^_^ So he has no sword to use, anyway.  
  
**ChiisaiLammy**: *hands you a big tube of toothpaste* Brush well while reading, ^_~  
  
**EEevee**: Men and grudges - period! ^^ 'Nuff said.  
  
**LadyShiin**: Yeah, I always liked that idea... I always figured he'd be an awesome dad. Even as Battousai, he was such a creampuff with the kids...  
  
**haku baikou**: ... That... sounds like a challenge. *evil grin*  
  
**Ariane**: Ah, I see what you mean now. Good point. But by traveling, I didn't mean he left a lot... well, maybe. Haven't quite figured that one out, actually. I'll get there, though.  
  
**Calger459**: I look forward you anything you write, you know! ^_^ Yeah, "All That Matters" was one of my first as well, and it's still one of my faves. Maybe someday... *sigh*  
  
**marstanuki**: Yeah, as I said somewhere (I think) more kids = cliche, but I don't care at this point, ^^ It's better than just Kenji. *throws tomatoes at him* But for your idea - wouldn't Kenji be first, before Kaori?  
  
**Sean Montgomery**: Actually, I think that kid would be more of a match for Shinichi. ^^;; I think "All That Matters" was only posted at The Akabeko. I've never seen a finished version, unfortunately. Sometimes people just don't have enough time to write.  
  
**Regan84**: You know, you totally made my day with that review. I was having a terrible time at work and you just brightened me up. Thanks so much, ^_^  
  
**Vic'chonn**: Well, I was never very sure about Kenji's character. I didn't like the way he was portrayed in Seisouhen anyway - far too uncaring for what I read in Watsuki-san's notes. Yuki was a spontaneous thing, so hopefully I won't regret it.  
  
**Bando-Eido no Megami-sama**: Wow, and I thought it was boring, ^^ Thanks.


	6. A Woman's Kitchen

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession. ^_^

~*~  
  
Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

~*~

Chapter 5) A Woman's Kitchen  
  
~*~  
  
  
Kaoru couldn't cook.  
  
It was a hard thing to admit - especially to her face - but Kenshin preferred to do most of the cooking in his household. During her pregnancies, first with Kenji, then their second child who'd yet to show itself, he liked to use Kaoru's condition as an excuse to cook all the meals himself.  
  
"Oh Kaoru," he'd tell her, "You look tired today. Is the baby kicking? Go lie down, I'll make supper tonight..."  
  
Of course she didn't fall for it very often, and he was the target of many a glare, but he did it anyway. Anything to help; anything to make her happy. He wasn't sure how happy it made her when she obviously knew his reasons, but he always decided that not cooking was better than getting angry at Yahiko's comments.  
  
She was learning, though, and everyone had to admit it. She would never reach a professional level - it just wasn't her calling - but there were days when it was impossible to tell her cooking from his own. _He _could tell, of course, but they always enjoying sharing a little smirk between them on those rare occasions when Yahiko complimented the meal between bites, thanking Kenshin for not letting "busu" anywhere near the kitchen.  
  
"If he only knew," he would murmur in her ear when they were alone, making her laugh. He loved the sound of her laughter, and he took advantage of Yahiko's ignorance whenever he could. Perhaps it was cruel, and very unlike him, but Kaoru's happiness was more important than catering to the boy's childish reluctance to praise her.  
  
"Someday I'll tell him," she replied with a mischievous grin. "After a really wonderful dinner, one that he can't stop talking about. We'll both look at him, smile, and I'll tell him that you didn't cook it. Can you imagine what he'd do?"  
  
"Stammer objections, of course."  
  
"Pretend he never said a word!"  
  
They smiled at one another, enjoying their private joke. It was a silly joke, meaningless to anyone besides them... but so were many things they took pleasure in, and no one could blame them if it wasn't known.

_Love is a secret._  
  
"I love you," he told her later, whispering the words in the middle of the night, holding her close. He always told her when she was asleep, hoping the words could reach her and echo through her dreams. Often he was tempted to ask her, once she was awake, if she had heard him, but that would of course ruin it.  
  
"I love you." _Not for your cooking, or your figure, or your laughter. Not for your blue eyes or your beautiful smile. Not for the home and the family you have given me. Not for your forgiveness or your uncompromising acceptance.  
  
I love you because you're my Kaoru, and you are all of these things._  
  
And he would never know it, but if he had asked if she heard him in her dreams, she would have said _no, of course not_.... because she was always awake, listening for it, when he told her.  
  
~*~  
  
I really wish I could make these things longer, considering how long it takes to write them... short and sweet is I suppose the theme of this fic. I'll try to avoid delaying the next one by such a huge margin. I've gotten so lazy...  


_Reviewer Responses_:

**JML**: Interesting. There are so many good doujinshi out there, but it's hard to sort through all the smut first, ^^;;  
  
**Sean Montgomery**: Hey, if you want to share stories, I'm game, ^_^  
  
**Regan84**: oO Wow, I can't believe I missed that. It's what I get for editing late at night. Thanks for pointing that out - I fixed it, ^^;;  
  
**Crystal Renee**: I know, I know! ^^;; I'll try harder next time!  
  
**haku baikou**: Yeah, the RK fandom has become somewhat disappointing lately, but I'm glad there are still a few fics out there worth noticing.  
  
**animefanrk2k**: Aw, that's nice to hear, ^^ But I'll try to keep the ego down like a good girl.  
  
**Vic'chonn**: Actually, I'm the one whacking my muse when I can. *glares at the muse who is reading comic books in the corner*  
  
**ShoshanaFlower**: There are so many amazing fics out there that focus on one or the other, and I use those for inspiration. Finding fics that tie them together is a bit more of a challenge, so that's what I was going for.  
  
**ChiisaiLammy**: Yeah, I'd rather keep Yahiko in the story than cut him out. He's too important a character to just drop out of the family entirely! (Er, not to say that Sano wasn't important even though he disappeared... ah, well.)  
  
**Bando-Eido no Megami-sama:** Yay for random jumping. That's the only reason I can still write this fic, ^^;;  
  
**Velda**: Yeah, I admit Sakura was at the very bottom of my list for names... besides the fact that I don't even like it much, scary enough. Kenshin as a pushover? *grin* We'll see...


	7. A Change of Pace

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession.

* * *

Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

* * *

Chapter 6) A Change of Pace

* * *

"Daddy!" Kenji's voice called out to him from the front yard, as Kenshin was doing laundry. "There's a weird man at the door!"  
  
Kenshin was on his feet and hurrying towards the door immediately. From past experience he knew what strange men at the doors usually meant - either one of the police officers had come calling, or it was yet another madman screaming out for his blood. In his opinion, he'd rather not have either of those, but more often than not life offered no choice.  
  
He turned the corner of the house to see Kenji chattering amiably with a shadowed figure in the doorway. "Kenji? Who is it?"  
  
Kenji looked over at him and shrugged. "Dunno."  
  
At Kenshin's voice, an unfamiliar head curved its way around the open doorway. Kenshin raised an eyebrow at him. "Can I help you...?"  
  
Then the man announced, "Hello homeowner! Would you like to buy some rare and unusual medicine?"  
  
Kenshin stared at the man for a long moment. He had to try very hard to keep himself from falling over.

* * *

It was also difficult for him to admit that he was paranoid a lot of the times; years of living on his toes in Kyoto, wandering through the post-war countryside of Japan, and even his peaceful time in Tokyo at Kaoru's dojo had taught him that no matter how well things are going, something bad can always turn happiness into chaos. _Always_.  
  
But things _had_ settled down after his marriage to Kaoru, which was nice enough. Kenji was hard enough to look after without shadow assassins running around threatening to kill people.  
  
_ I'd like to see one of -them- try to babysit him, _he sometimes thought glumly. He loved his son to death, but dear _gods_ was he ever a handful.  
  
_ He'd probably run then into the ground faster than I ever could..._

__

* * *

When Kaoru first announced to everyone that she was pregnant again, Kenshin noticed an unusual change in Kenji, one he hadn't expected. Though truthfully, he hadn't been sure _what_ to expect of anyone. He had been the youngest child of his family, and Kaoru noted that hadn't had any brothers or sisters... neither of them knew what it felt like to be an elder sibling. But Kenji was certainly about to find out, and it made them both nervous.  
  
The boy was far more reserved than he had ever been before Kaoru's news, tiptoeing around the dojo as if he was afraid of waking the baby who had yet to arrive. When asked what he was doing, he would shrug and disappear, often giggling quietly to himself. Kenshin and Kaoru exchanged baffled glances and shrugs during such times, unable to understand their small, suddenly thoughtful child.  
  
"It's a phase," Kaoru decided one day, watching Kenji run circles around the latest alley cat who'd made the dojo her home, "And he'll get over it. Once the baby's born there'll be so much to do he'll probably get lost."  
  
"Maybe that's what he's afraid of," Kenshin mused, turning his gaze to the boy as he rolled in the dirt. "He knows something is coming, now... I think he's known for a long time, even before we told him. And since he knows, it worries him..."  
  
Kaoru snorted, sipping her tea and shaking her head. "He shouldn't worry. Of course we'll be busy with the baby, so he'll have to share us far more than he's used to, but... well, he'll learn. This is part of life, you know. He has to understand that."  
  
Kenshin chuckled. "He's five years old. His entire life revolves around us. I doubt he'll be as understanding as you hope."  
  
"Daddy, daddy!" Kenji wailed from the yard. "The kitty ran away!"  
  
Shaking his head, Kenshin stood up, moving towards the door. Kaoru's soft voice made him halt for a moment.  
  
"He doesn't call for me as often as he used to."  
  
He glanced back at her, a small smile on his face. "Maybe he's learning to share with the baby already."  
  
Kaoru laughed lightly as he continued his way towards their son, soothing the boy and taking his hand to go on a hunt for the missing cat. She covered her face with her hand, still smiling despite the sudden tears that shone in her eyes.  
  
"Just a phase," she murmured under her breath, the other hand pressed against her belly so firmly it almost hurt. "Just a phase."

* * *

Wow, so much for promising quick updates. This chapter was done a few weeks ago actually, but I kept forgetting to edit and upload... I'm so sorry, everyone! But I have another chapter coming very soon, so hopefully I can be forgiven this time...

And thanks to our mutual friend drizzt, I have only one reviewer response to give - this fic will be long. The chapters will be short. GET OVER IT.


	8. In Your Eyes

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession.

* * *

Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

* * *

Chapter 7) In Your Eyes

* * *

"She has your eyes."  
  
Kaoru surprised him with her soft-voiced comment, the morning after the birth of their daughter. Kenshin looked at her in astonishment, then turned his gaze to the baby curled tightly in the blankets beside where his wife knelt.  
  
He smiled gently after a moment, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. "Is that so?" he murmured a reply, his cheek against hers.  
  
She didn't answer for a long time, her eyes unreadable as she watched the sleeping baby. Finally, she sighed. "She was only awake for a moment. With Kenji... I forgot how much they sleep, at first."  
  
"It's all they know right now," Kenshin commented, brushing his finger against the child's flawless skin. "Soon she'll be awake and smiling... laughing... calling us..."  
  
"Okaa," Kaoru whispered, a wistful smile on her face. "Otou..."  
  
He grinned, kissing her cheek. "So... are you happy?"  
  
"I've always been happy."  
  
The smile remained on her face as she spoke, but he couldn't help but notice a small glint of reservation in her eyes. It worried him - she wasn't usually like this. Shifting his position to rub her weary shoulders, he waited a moment before speaking again. "Kaoru... are you all right?"  
  
He felt her shiver beneath his fingers. "I... I really don't know... I was hoping that it would be..."  
  
"Kaoru-?"  
  
Kaoru turned back, giving him a brave smile. "It shouldn't mean anything, you know. I'm not worried, so... don't be upset."  
  
Kenshin blinked at her, bewildered. "What are you talking about?"  
  
She sighed, shaking her head and brushing her hand though the tuft of black hair on the baby's head. "Her eyes."  
  
He followed her gaze, even more puzzled by her answer. She had always told him how much she loved his eyes, despite the unusual colour. Kenji had taken after her, his eyes like blue twilight, and they both loved him dearly.  
  
But... he had known she secretly wanted a child with violet eyes.  
  
So why-?  
  
Before he could ask her to elaborate, Kenji's voice called out from his bedroom, sleepy from his afternoon nap. He was about to rise and go to the boy, but Kaoru reached out and grasped his wrist, shaking her head. "I'll go," she said simply.  
  
"Kaoru," he objected, "You're still tired from-"  
  
"It's fine. But stay with her." Kaoru's eyes were gently imploring as she stood, giving him a kiss before she disappeared into the hall.  
  
_Stay with her._  
  
Kenshin turned back to his daughter, his second child, shifting restlessly in her bed. He felt a little guilty for not acting earlier, to allow his wife to stay behind and rest, but it was too late for foresight. He could do nothing but remain where he was and obey her request.  
  
Not that he had any complaints...  
  
He would ask her about her enigmatic comments later, when the children were asleep. She would tell him then - it wasn't like her to keep secrets.  
  
_ That's your job_, a niggling voice spoke within his mind, but he banished it before it could go further. He was tired of secrets, tired of lies. He was her husband now, and he wouldn't hide from her any longer.  
  
Well... he'd try, anyway.  
  
The baby squirmed again, yawning widely. He grinned again, watching her antics; Yahiko would have quite a few things to say about that jaw, when he saw her. He sincerely hoped that Kaoru wouldn't be around to hear them. He opened his mouth to greet the child as her eyes fluttered open.  
  
But as soon as violet eyes met gold, his mouth went dry.  
  
_ "She has your eyes."_  
  
The baby blinked, peering up at him, her eyelids falling partway to conceal the sleepy amber shade. Kenshin felt as if his heart had stopped.  
  
_ This... this is why Kaoru was..._  
  
_ "... don't be upset..."_  
  
He wanted to run. He wanted to run away and hide from the fact that continued to echo throughout his mind.  
  
_ "... your eyes..."_  
  
_Not my eyes. Not anymore. Never again. _His hands were shaking, and he felt so weak he could barely move. _How could this have happened?  
  
How could it have gone so..._  
  
The baby, still unnamed, lost interest in their staring contest and rolled slightly, closing her eyes and slipping into a child's dreamworld once again. He watched her, leaning closer, as her tiny hand fisted around the corner of a blanket.  
  
_Such a strong grip,_ he thought absently, a flicker of pride breaking through the strange fear in his mind. _Maybe..._  
  
_Stay with her._  
  
_I never knew_. He suddenly smiled, curling up beside his sleeping daughter, his hand drifting through her silken hair.  
  
_I never knew that gold could be such a beautiful colour._

* * *

This was spontaneous. Originally the daughter was going to have dark eyes, but this idea suddenly came to mind... I'm almost certain it's a terrible cliche, but a lot of things I write are cliche anyway, so I gave up.

_Reviewer Responses_:

Velda: I laugh in the face of stupid reviewers! Mwahahaha! But I huggle nice ones.

Vic'chonn: Oh, no, I didn't mean you! Heh, sorry. No, I always appreciate your reviews, for sure! It's just the one who complained needlessly that got on my nerves. But I'm back and I'm happy, so it's all good.

animefanrk2k: That's always good to know... I suppose that's the whole point of this thing, isn't it, heh...

Sean Montgomery: Actually, that's mostly what I was going for, so I'm glad it worked out. There will be a lot of changes in the little family (starting with this one) but I hope it'll all work out for the best.


	9. The New Student

Wow, finally! Apologies for the delay - went to Africa, then the cottage, then started school again... yeah, excuses are lousy and usually nobody cares, but what the hey... I'm back, and here's the new chapter!

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession.

* * *

Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

* * *

Chapter 8) The New Student

* * *

Kaoru was two weeks into her recovery after the birth of their second child when a stranger came to the Kamiya home, asking about lessons. He was an English boy, dressed in Western clothing and scrunching up a hat between his fingers. He looked more like a child caught stealing from his mother than a prospective customer. Baffled at his behaviour, she nonetheless took him inside the dojo, explaining the school policies, lesson rates, and the most important rules of kenjutsu. When asked who the master was, she had grimaced. they _always_ asked.  
  
"I am," she answered proudly, "But I've handed the duty of lessons to my assistant master for a few months. I hope you have no objections about this?"  
  
The boy was surprised, but he merely shrugged it off, and they continued with the tour. After about half an hour, she finished and invited him to return in two days and watch a lesson to see if he fancied it. He agreed, smiled politely, and continued on his way.  
  
And Kaoru nearly wept for joy.  
  
"Another new student," she exclaimed to Kenshin later, "And he's _English_! Isn't it exciting?"  
  
Kenshin agreed, although he seemed less likely to jump though the roof about it. It _was_ exciting - even with his new job, he'd been feeling more and more uneasy as the baby had grown within Kaoru's belly. Kenji wasn't getting any smaller either, and his clothes didn't grow with him. He wasn't about to object to a new source of income.  
  
"He has lovely manners, too," Kaoru continued. "I wish more boys his age were so polite."  
  
Yahiko, who had once again come for a visit and dinner, stuck his tongue out at her.  
  
Kenshin chuckled. "You're proving her right, Yahiko."  
  
"Who's side are you on?!"  
  
Kaoru cut in, then. "I wonder what his father is like? He said the dojo was recommended... have _you_ met any nice Englishmen at work, Kenshin?"  
  
Her husband blinked. "... Not that I recall..."  
  
She shrugged. "Oh well. I do hope he stops by sometime. I'd love to find out how he heard of us!"  
  
Kenshin smiled as she rattled on, listening politely and responding when prompted. Kaoru had always had an odd fascination for anything - and anyone - Western. This student would likely turn out to be just like all the others... unique in a certain way, but still just a boy learning how to wave about a stick. They all began that way.  
  
He hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed.

* * *

The boy surprised them all, astonishingly enough. He showed the kind of dedication even Yahiko had lacked in the first few weeks of his lessons, and a respect for Kaoru that the dojo's finest apprentice _still_ hadn't mastered. He didn't seem to have any trouble accepting Kaoru as his master, nor did he mind taking orders from Yahiko, who was barely older than him. Edward, or Edo as they called him - an ironic abbreviation that resulted when they'd tried to say his first name and has set the young man blushing as he corrected them - was every bit as polite as Kaoru had described, and quite a thoughtful addition to the class. As time passed, he became one of the family's favourites, and Kenshin noticed that the boy was often invited to dinner - on days that Yahiko was elsewhere, amusingly enough. Even Kenji appreciated his presence, which was rare. The child was rather stingy with his affection.  
  
_Sometimes people surprise us,_ Kenshin noted, watching Edo race across the dojo yard, Kenji shrieking with delight on his shoulders. He had as much reason as anyone to hate everything from the West; even Kaoru could blame her father's death on the changes they brought to Japan. But such petty hatred was beyond her, and, as Kenshin was slowly realizing, beyond _him_ as well.  
  
He still didn't like chocolate, but that was another matter entirely.__

* * *

I blame Edward's existence on Fullmetal Alchemist, which has become one of my newest obsessions. huggles Ed

Reviewer Responses:

TanukiGirl22: Okay, if there's one thing that annoys me, it's people who don't read - or even skim - author's notes when they're specifically labeled "PLEASE READ". As that is the case, I'm not even going to address your comments about Seisouhen.

Vic'chonn: Eh, don't worry. It usually takes a lot more than that to make me mad.

ShoshanaFlower: Kaoru... well, I think I'll keep that a secret for now, heh heh heh. You never know if it'll show up again...

animefanrk2k: Any child of Kenshin and Kaoru has GOT to have the killer death glare. I mean, come on. Those two?

Sean Montgomery: Yuki is just me having a bit of fun with character torment and alternate ideas for the kids. I get so sick of seeing Kenshin's children be sweet and innocent all the time - even Kenji redeemed himself in the end. I wanted something different. How different is yet to be seen...

Wistful-Eyes: Yeah, like Tomoe's. I just thought that amber eyes would affect Kenshin more strongly, in the end. I'm glad I did that now.


	10. Jewelry Box

Wow, um... yeah. Been a while. My apologies... I really have neglected my Rurouni Kenshin fanfics, and this occurred to me recently (most likely since I realized it's been over a year since I updated LSRV)... but no matter what I did, the writing just wouldn't come.

In desperation, earlier this afternoon I tried my hand at oneword dot com and ended up with this. Ignored the time limit, of course, but that's besides the point... I might rely on this more in the future, but hopefully this will help me write more now that it's summer and school is done.

Disclaimer: I own it not. It owns me. Join me in the bliss of obsession!

* * *

Diary of a Manslayer  
Akai Kitsune

* * *

Chapter 10) Jewelry Box

* * *

He is trapped within a box. 

It is a box of memories; a box of fear and hate and danger and worry and everything he had once felt, everything he had ever wanted to feel or not wanted to feel and it was there in his mind, terrifying, infuriating, wondrous and dark and light.

It is a box he has made for himself, a box that refuses to disappear, a box that he constructed out of what he was and what he fears he will be.

It is a box that makes him human, makes him a demon, makes him a husband, a father, a mystery, a legend. It is the box that drives him to domestic nature, to chores that require him to wash his hands, to create instead of destroy, to mold and form beautiful creations with the fingers that once did nothing but kill and maim and destroy.

It is a box he hates, yet cannot escape.

It is a box that no one has broken, never, much as he desires them to. A box that has always been there, always will be.

He cannot remember a time when he did not feel the walls pressed against his body, against his heart, when he did not feel them crushing him slowly, painfully, without warning, without mercy.

It is a contest of wills, a war between mind and heart and body and soul.

He is losing.

But there is hope.

There is a hand outside the box. Reaching, prodding, tearing at the walls with calloused fingers and torn nails, calling to him gently, insistently, pleadingly. Calling his name. There are eyes watching him, through holes that have been patiently carved through, meeting his gaze and telling him - in a voice that cannot be argued with - to come out again.

There was once a time when he was free.

The box remains.

He has a family now; friends, comrades, allies. More hands, tearing, grasping, beckoning. More eyes watching, different expressions, same request. More voices, some louder than others, some more patient, some more gentle, all speaking his name.

Over the years he learns to call back. He learns to smile, to reassure, to laugh and say that he'd come, he'd definitely come. One day, he would be free again. And they smile back, nodding, because they'd known all along, and they are still waiting, always waiting for him.

He'd come, one day.

The box remains, but it is larger now, no longer crushing him, choking him to death with its terrible weight. His family is on the other side, waiting, and there are many holes through which to reach for them.

They reach for him, and he laughs, because they are warm, and he loves them for the brightness they bring to his dark cage.

He is trapped within a box.

But it is alright, though the walls are full of memories, because he no longer has to touch them when he stretches his hands to the sky.

* * *

Thanks for all your support and patience. You guys have been awesome and you make writing this fic worthwhile! D 

_Reviewer Responses_:

TanukiGirl22: Wasn't offended. Just a bit annoyed, is all. But really, I _did_ explain that at the beginning of the fic...

Sean Montgomery: That's an awesome story, XD Gotta love little kids and their perspective on the world.

To everyone who's commented about Edo, we'll just have to wait and see what happens in the future. But I'm sure he'll wriggle his way back into the fic sometime soon, knowing him.


	11. The Cross I Bear

Wow. Uh... been a while? Sorry, sorry! I'm a terrible delinquent. I've been trying to beat myself down and continue writing fics that have been left behind, and Manslayer is among my top priorities. I will do my best to improve, I swear, ;.;

Also, I titled the last chapter wrong. It's supposed to be 9, this is the real chapter 10. I'd fix it but I'm terrified of screwing up the formatting. (You can thank the wonderful webhost for that.)

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Diary of a Manslayer

Akai Kitsune

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10) The Cross I Bear

---

When Kenshin heard, by chance one day, Kaoru mourning over her poor, callused hands, he'd paused a moment to consider his own. They were larger than hers, though admittedly not by much; his own calluses were far older, more emphasized from long years of wielding the blade. But he couldn't help but notice how they had waned in recent times. With his sakabatou off in the hands of the somewhat elusive Yahiko, and his swordsmanship skills now limited to casual spars and gentle bokken or shinai practices to keep himself in shape, the worn marks of hard labour and training had begun to soften. It was almost embarrassing, he mused; he already cooked, and cleaned, and did the majority of chores normally appointed to the woman of the household. Now to have softer, more tender hands than his wife...

He never mentioned it to Kaoru, though he suspected she noticed. She noticed a lot of things about him that he didn't want her to.

--

He loved those calluses, despite how rough they had made his touch, whatever Kaoru might have said about his gentleness. They were the unseen scars, the shadows of days past. Memoirs of a time long forgotten, though never by him. They were remnants of what he'd done, in darkness and in light.

Scars remained as long as there was malice.

Were his sins unforgivable so long as he held a sword, only now able to fade because he did not?

He wondered about it, gazing at those hands, or Kaoru and her students in the dojo, making scars of their own. But he thought their scars were beautiful; something to be treasured, no misplaced justice tainted with nightmares and blood.

No, theirs were from a battle already won.

--

They still fought it, he knew; the dojo had suffered plenty of times, whether from his own faults, his own dark, fierce battles, or from the constant battle of time and dying tradition. Youth these days were too busy enjoying the new Western ideals and fashion, learning trades, turning away from the old ways. It was never enough to make the dojo suffer - his own job did a fine job in picking up whatever expenses the school couldn't handle - but some days the dojo was more empty than it ought to be, the walls covered in fewer nameplates than Kaoru would have liked. There were some seasons where kenjutsu was fashionable, and students flocked to the "woman's dojo", full of curiousity and enthusiasm. Others, all was quiet; their voices echoed through the rice paper, louder than they really were, ethereal, like ghosts of past students who have moved on, lost interest, found some newer, better form of entertainment.

Children these days, he thought idly, though with a wince - he sounded like an old man with words like that - were not interested in long-lasting beliefs, that which could change them for life. They wanted quick satisfaction, skills they could gloat about, discard when not needed. The Kamiya Kasshin style required more dedication than they were willing to give, and it shown clearly by the number of students that stayed year after year - that same small, dwindling number that made Kaoru worry and fret and rant when someone missed more than one lesson in a row. It was a sobering thought, a persistent threat, the idea that the skills you'd developed all your life were viewed to be so useless in the eyes of the world. At least Kenji seemed interested in swordsmanship, despite the fact that his interest was not in the school of his mother, but of his father.

Another sobering thought, Kenshin couldn't help but remind himself; swordsmanship was a strong bait to be dangled before the souls of every boy - or girl, for those strong of heart as Kaoru was - and it was in their nature to seek the greatest of all powers. Unfortunately, those young and inexperienced students who came time after time in the hopes of seeing the supposed Hiten master (_wouldn't they like to know_, he mused secretly) in his true form, instead of smiling placidly, working on the laundry and changing diapers, were sorely disappointed every time.

They didn't understand that his true form was a family man, that it took a war and ten years of atonement to realize this. They didn't understand, and he truly hoped they never would.

But he wasn't in control of that; as much as it pained him to admit, it wasn't his job to teach them, wasn't his responsibility to show them what to do with their lessons. That was Kaoru, the one more suited, the one who, despite any failures - a word he would never choose himself - was really quite talented at it. She hid behind her doubts, and her fears, and her fretting at every opportunity, but that didn't change the fact that she knew how to reach people without even trying, to give a smile and few choice words that struck the hearts of those listening, and if their ears were truly open to it, she could reach them more proficiently than he himself could.

She lived it, after all; lived every word of her beliefs. He had hidden himself from them all through the war, fled his answers ten years after. He'd run and run and run until she caught him, given that smile and those words and let him live it too, and he'd learned.

_We are all her family_, he liked to remind himself sometimes, _but we are also students, every one of us. And we learn as we live, with her as our guide, holding us together no matter where we are._ People liked to say it was he who used to keep them as a group, but he knew the truth. She was the backbone of who they were; losing her would - and had, once - tear them apart, leaving nothing but broken pieces, shattered and tossed to the wind to drift alone. It was a simple truth, albeit a painful one.

_And one that I will never let happen again_. A promise he made to himself, in his heart, each and every day he woke up with her at his side, stretching and smiling and touching his hand.

_Day by day... this is life. I need her in my life because she -is- my life. The family she has given me is the answer to every question my heart can think to ask._

_To me, her answer is this - love me, and I will show you the light of the world in everything I do._

And he did, and she did, and it was answer enough. Day by day.

---

Again, many thanks to everyone for your support. You make writing worthwhile.

Till next time!


	12. Vena Amoris

Me again, fear it! Shorter chapter this time, but goodness, you should see how short the chapter is in the source novel. It's even shorter than this!

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Diary of a Manslayer

Akai Kitsune

---

Chapter 11) Vena Amoris

---

Kenshin had never really been a religious type; the hardships of youth combined with the weight of a sinner's soul made him doubt the existence of higher beings - if only to save that soul from damnation. He knew that any disbelief on his part couldn't really save him, if there _were_ higher beings, or whatever people wanted to call them, but one could hardly criticize what one did not know, and he didn't tell just anyone what he did or didn't believe spiritually.

He and Kaoru had been married in a traditional Shinto wedding - or as close as they could get, lacking true parents to join certain parts of the ceremony - in the shrine down the road from the dojo, where the wrinkled old priest with squinting eyes and an unsmiling face had purified them in the name of the gods, overseen the ceremony, instructed them on what to do when. He hadn't really cared about how they were married, or at least not as much as Kaoru did. To him, the important part came after - their life together, their _marriage_. The wedding was merely a symbol to the world, an announcement that yes, they were staying together, yes, their union was blessed by all. Or, perhaps, by those that mattered. They were a small group, and it was a small wedding, but somehow, everyone knew about it, and not a soul had protested.

He was grateful for that, among so many other things; he wasn't sure how he would have dealt with the issue of someone - anyone - getting in the way of his being with Kaoru.

_If I didn't deal with them somehow_, he mused, smiling amidst a sea of morbid thoughts, _Kaoru most certainly would. And probably in a much better way than I ever could..._

Despite his casual opinion about the whole affair, he couldn't forget how wonderful Kaoru had looked that day, dressed in her best kimono, face painted to make her look like a perfect china doll. Admittedly he preferred her as she was; a facade of perfection wasn't what he wanted for a wife, and he'd married Kaoru for that fact alone, faults and all. But there was nothing, nothing at all wrong with a woman dressing up for a special day, whatever the expense of it was. He'd always thought she was beautiful; better for her to think herself the same way on the day they wed.

He could tell her every other day for the rest of her life, after all.

---

"Vena Amoris" is a Latin name meaning, literally, "vein of love". It is believed that it is a vein that runs directly from the heart to the third finger of the left hand - the ring finger, naturally.


	13. Drink, and Be Merry

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin isn't mine. I'm tired of being creative about this.

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Diary of a Manslayer

Chapter 12) Drink, and Be Merry

Akai Kitsune

----

His master had once told him that sake could cure just about anything.

It was true, he had to admit, there were certain healing properties about it. Alcohol - though, admittedly, it was more often a different kind - was used to clean and disinfect wounds (he thought it had something to do with the way it burned), or to sterilize certain items as Megumi had once told him. One could clean plenty of things with alcohol.

This brought to mind the question as to why, precisely, dirty and inebriated men on the streets outside of bars were so pungent, but that was where the different kind came in to play. One would not want to mop the floors with rice wine.

For example, sake could be used, he'd learned, to help give a person a decent night's sleep during flu season. Many a blocked throat and ragged cough had been mysteriously dissolved by a small cup of sake on the road during his wandering years - many years after he'd left, when he had been brave enough to try, when the pain and the chill of memory had numbed enough to remember what real sake tasted like without that dreaded, coppery additive. You learned things like that on the road, living on your own with nothing but a backwards sword and a smile hovering between you and deadly recognition.

This habit had remained after he arrived and began living at the dojo - just about the only time he drank anything but water and tea, aside from Sanosuke's parties. Kaoru was often puzzled by it, when he was sneezing and coughing and blowing his nose as he drank his nightly cup. He smiled at her questions, trying his best not to look miserable. If she wasn't such an easy drunk - the gods alone knew why _that_ was - he would have urged her to do the same. He rather liked falling asleep with a clear throat, even if it went back to being hopelessly clogged in the morning. Even a small relief was enough sometimes.

Kaoru noticed, it seemed. She stopped asking questions, merely tucked him in like a child and kissed his cheek, whispered goodnight and tended to the children while he rested. He didn't get sick very often, but when he did, she really was too wonderful to him.

He missed her shouting through the walls, though - it was always too quiet when he was ill, when Kaoru whispered and tiptoed and lectured everyone to settle down, inside voices, Daddy is sick and Daddy needs his rest or Daddy can't come out to play right now. The silence was wonderful yet unbearable, and he couldn't help but feel relieved when Yahiko came to visit, with his loud voice and comments that set Kaoru into a shouting fit, that made the children giggle and shriek and stomp like an army was storming the house. It didn't feel like home when it was so quiet - it didn't feel like the Kamiya Dojo when all was dead.

He liked the noise, and when Kaoru quietly slid open the shoji to check on him after the kids had made their rounds, rolling around in the dirt of the yard, small stick-swords crashing together under Yahiko's grinning supervision, she always found him fast asleep, smiling secretly, his face towards the door as if waiting for her to come in.

----

It turned into another sick!Kenshin chapter. Huh. Go fig. This is kinda inspired by my current situation as well as my dad's suggestion - when he has a cold, he drinks a bit of wine before bed to help his throat. I came home from college this weekend with a cold, and he suggested I try it with sake. It tasted positively caustic, but you would not believe how quickly my throat cleared up. I do it every night now, and will continue to do so until my cold goes away. It's a great little home remedy.

The original chapter was about Prohibition. Anybody know anything about Japan and if they ever banned alcohol? I was going to do research but then this idea hit me... you know how it goes.

Again, sorry this sucker takes so long to update. I'm hoping to get more Kenshin inspiration over the holidays... but we'll have to see, I guess. Also, if there are mistakes in this, I apologize. It's hard to edit well when you're sick.

Till next time.


	14. Dry Bones, Dry Bones

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin isn't mine. I'm tired of being creative about this.

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Diary of a Manslayer

Akai Kitsune

Chapter 13) Dry Bones, Dry Bones

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By the time their third child was born - a sky-child, as Kenshin sometimes thought of him, hair a dull red like Kenji's, but eyes as brilliantly blue as the sky on a clear summer day - he was beginning to feel the weight of his past in physical ways, rather than simply in his mind. A school as demanding as Hiten Mitsurugi... did things to one's body, if one was not properly equipped to handle it.

Hiko was more than suited for it; Kenshin was not. Megumi had said as much, years ago, and he knew her casual dismissals of any worries he had during her examinations were just an attempt to conceal her worries - perhaps even fears. His swordsmanship would not kill him, but it could cause all manner of aches and pains before his time if he wasn't careful. He knew this, as did Megumi - he wondered how much Kaoru knew.

He was getting older, but he found it wasn't such a terrible thing to admit, though sometimes his back protested when Kenji asked to be carried around the dojo yard - he was almost too old for that, now - while Yuki tagged along below, clinging to his pants, sitting on his foot as he walked, the sound of Kaoru soothing the baby in the background. Soon that child, too, would be calling his name, demanding his attention and his strength, to be held and carried. He hoped, ruefully, for the sake of his back, that Kenji would have outgrown the heavy affection for piggyback rides by then. Yuki as well, perhaps, though she seemed to have a developing fear of heights. A strange thing, for the child of a man who could jump halfway up a waterfall.

Or used to, anyway.

He didn't spend too much time mulling over it, however. It was a waste of time, time better spent with his children while he still had the energy, his wife while she still had the time to spare and wasn't burdened with something so terrible as taking care of him. He knew he would be old and sore long before she was - his body had been wounded, battered, thrown about. He'd been close to death at least a dozen times in his short lifetime. It really wasn't a healthy thing to experience.

Kaoru would have scolded him for worrying. For someone who had spent a great deal of her prime fretting over him, she seemed to scold him for much the same thing. Or, perhaps, a different thing entirely; a child clinging to one's back and causing an ache over time wasn't very similar to having a sword plunge through it. Despite how similar it _feels_, he added ruefully, though only in his mind. She would have scolded him for that, too.

"Papa!" Yuki was tugging on his pant leg again, small legs wrapped around his heel, causing him to step a little more lightly on his toes as he dragged them all forward one slow step at a time. "Papa, when is it my turn?"

She was climbing waterfalls too, it seemed; seeking her courage in a world where it meant so little now, and yet so much, at the same time. Baby steps, slow steps, but the best kind, in his mind - the kind with a burden and a gift beyond measure clinging to your leg and calling for attention, slowing you down and making you smile, and reply that yes, it was her turn, and she had been very good and patient, hadn't she?

She had. She was a burden and a gift he could endure the rest of his days, as was Kenji, and Shinichi, their youngest, curled up against Kaoru's breast.

They were, however, heavy burdens, and would grow heavier still in time - and so, when Kenji climbed down to switch with his sister, he obediently followed Kenshin's request to switch to the other leg. A man could indulge himself as well as his children, some days.

----

This chapter is dedicated to my father, who for years and years carried my siblings around on his back and his feet without so much as a grumble. ... well, maybe a few. But he still did it, and we probably gave him bad knees, but he's never blamed us, because that's part of the job.

Apologies if there are any mistakes in this. I tried to edit it a few times but when you're going on 5 hours sleep every day during the week things get a bit fuzzy. (I need to go to bed earlier.)

I've been terribly lax in updating this fic, but my new job has me completely exhausted by the end of the day. I'll be nibbling away at fics bit by bit whenever I have the energy, so please be patient with me. You've all been more than polite so I have no doubts. Thank you very much for respecting me and real life! It means a lot.


	15. A Size Too Small

Kingdom Hearts ate me. What can I say? But I'm not completely gone! Another quickie. It's funny how fast these suckers come once I get started. 

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Diary of a Manslayer

Chapter 14) A Size Too Small

Akai Kitsune

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He studied his image in the mirror, turning this way and that, scrutinizing his appearance. He tightened the ties on his hakama just a bit - squeaked - then let it out again, relaxing as his breath returned to him.

_This really isn't good_, Kenshin thought mournfully, tying his pants and hoping they weren't as bad as the mirror made it look.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru called from the hallway, the only warning given before she slid open the door and stepped over to him. "Come on, we're going to be late!"

"Just a moment," he murmured.

She decided he could have a moment, but not one of silence, moving over to him and loping an arm through his. "Kenshin?" she repeated, leaning her head on his shoulder. "What is it?"

Hesitating, he watched her through the mirror, as she watched him. "Am I... getting bigger?"

She blinked. Studying him for a moment longer, she suddenly smiled, expression mischievous, and prodded his stomach. "Hmm, you mean here?"

"... Oro." Kenshin squirmed, and she laughed, patting his arm.

"Kenshin," Kaoru tried a third time, tone patiently amused, "Of _course _you've gained weight. You're not as active anymore, what with you being done with all that fighting and wandering around Japan, and you've probably been eating more since you started living here permanently, haven't you?"

He considered this for a moment, then recalled the usual state of his money purse, finally giving a reluctant nod. "I suppose you're right..."

"Besides," she gave him another poke, her tone teasing, "You're not as young as you used to be, either."

One had to wince at that. Every time Yahiko came from his home in Sanosuke's old longhouse looking taller, more broad shouldered, and more mature from one visit to the next, he felt a twinge of mortality tugging at his heart. Something like how he'd felt in the past, except the sword at his throat was his own body, not steel, and its strength would someday wane.

But Kaoru was there, arm wrapped around his waist, snuggling against his back. "Stop worrying. You won't be old for a long, long time."

He smiled faintly, hand lowering to brush against hers. "Yahiko calls you a hag, and you're younger than I."

Kaoru snorted, eyes briefly flickering with anger at the nickname before it faded. "Yahiko's called me that since I was 17. You know it has nothing to do with age."

"Or beauty," he whispered, and was rewarded with her blush. Even after being married for years, he could still catch her off guard.

"The point is," she continued, offering a gentle smile, "Adding a little padding to yourself isn't such a bad thing." Her hand tickled his stomach, fingers moving slowly, knowingly over skin she'd touched since just barely becoming an adult in the eyes of the world. "It makes you seem more permanent..."

"Like I'll be too heavy to move someday," he jested lightly. She smacked his arm, _not _lightly.

"I _mean_," she corrected firmly, "Like you're not going to up and leave on us. You've settled enough to feel comfortable, you know?"

"After this long, I'd better."

"Darn right you should," she replied swiftly, eyeing him.

Kenshin sighed faintly, giving his stomach another poke, and gave in, wrapping his arms around her. "I can stand being more... permanent... if you'll keep me."

She laughed, kissing him on the nose. "I wouldn't let anyone have you even if you _were _fat."

He was lucky. He could never deny that.

---

Note: I don't mean to imply that Kenshin's getting fat. Far from it. But he's always been so skinny; adding a bit of weight would be a lot more healthy for him, and living a more regular life would let that show.


End file.
